In defense of stay-at-home mothers. While my children were growing up, I was a stay-at-home mother. Often times, people would ask me what I did for work. When I said that I didn’t work outside of the home it seems the conversation had immediately lost interest and was dropped. It was as if I suddenly became a “lesser” person just because I didn’t have a “job” or bring home a paycheque. But to me, doing without some luxuries and that extra cheque, was far less important than the “job” I was doing….looking after my children!

WEIGHING OUT THE PROS AND CONS of stay-at-home parenting.

If you’re only working so that you can afford all those little “extras” in life, I definitely think that stay-at-home parenting is the best option. Yes, some mothers do have to work due to extenuating circumstances in their lives. When a mother is single and working just to pay for rent/mortgage on her own, or if married and her husband is working a lower paying job, then it is probably a necessity for her to work.

However, it’s a fact that there are so many instances of mothers working only so they can have that extra SUV in the driveway, or the 3,000 square foot luxury home, the yearly expensive holidays, trips to the spa, and/or all the trappings of a modern, stylish life. I would add here, that it would be at the expense of their children. Yes, I am probably sounding harsh to those very mothers, but is it that important to have so much material wealth, taking valuable time away from your children, leaving their upbringing to the care of strangers or day care centers? If a young toddler were able to have their say, I am certain that they would vote to have their mothers at home with them, and probably settle for less toys and fancy, brand name clothes. These things hold no value or desire to a child!

There was a time in history when the parents had to work to literally put a meal on the table. Fortunately, in this day and age, North Americans are doing quite well, that there is usually a little money left over for the finer things in life. It depends on how many of these finer things you think you need to have. Priorities need to be put into perspective.

LIVING WITH LESS

Is it really so bad to live with less? Would this do irreparable damage to your child? Young children have absolutely no comprehension as to whether they are either poor or rich. Children are just as happy playing with cardboard boxes or the pots and pans from the cupboards as they would with costly baby, battery operated toys that beep, whistle and sing tunes. In fact, given a choice, you’d probably be surprise at what actually does tickle the fancy of a toddler or young child.

It is certainly no crime to be poor, or on the lesser end of the income scale. Allow yourself time to work your way to a better life through budgeting and handling your money well. You certainly do not have to have “everything” right now! When you work towards the goal of doing better as each year passes, you learn to appreciate and value your possessions and accomplishments a lot more.

THE COST OF WORKING

Not only is there a cost to the child, without having their mothers nearby during the day, there is also a cost to actually working outside of the home. One must seriously weigh these costs before deciding on actually going out and searching for a job. Are you working so that you can afford the basic necessities in life, or so you can actually afford TO go to work? Or, are you working just so you can get out of the house and have a break from the monotony of being at home all day, and get away from your own children?

Some costs of working that might help you to decide where you stand on this issue:

* You must now stock your wardrobe so that you can be presentable each day with a different outfit (unfortunately, women can’t get away with wearing the same suit to work each and every day). You can now tack on an extra few hundred dollars to your monthly budget for working clothes.

* You must now possibly own a second vehicle so that you and your husband are not arguing over who gets the use of the family car or who has to take public transport. This will add thousands of dollars to your already growing expenses, which breaks down to maybe another $400/month for car payments to your bills, not to mention fuel, car maintenance and repairs.

* You must now add child care to your list of expenses. If you’re not fortunate enough to have a family member watch your children for free, or next to nothing, you can add yet another $700 to $1000 for one child (of course this depends on where you live and the quality/size of day care facilities available in your area).

* Then of course there are the little extra incidentals. You will either need to pack yourself a lunch every day or go out to eat, which would triple your lunch costs. Other expenses here and there are bound to crop up as well, such as the lady in the next cubicle who’s daughter is having a baby and everyone in the office is pitching in to get a gift.

* Something a lot of women don’t even consider when thinking about looking for a job, if you are married, how will this extra income reflect on your and your husband’s combined income at tax time? Usually that extra income will reduce allowable deductions, causing either or both of you to pay out more to the government each year in income tax?

IN CONCLUSION

Now, if you were to add up all these costs, do they exceed what you estimate your take home pay to be? Will your paycheque cover all these costs AND still give you a little extra at the end of each month to add to your savings? If not, you might want to seriously reconsider that job you’ve been thinking about getting and stay at home and look after your own children. The benefits and joys of watching your children go through their stages of life, and being there for them, far outweighs what you might gain in material luxuries.